São Paulo Gay Pride 2007 - 3.5 million people! My apartment served as a parade headquarters for many...

The Pope's in town, and he's driven literally right by my apartment twice already today. Popó and I tried to throw an orange at his car, but his entourage passed by at such high speed and we couldn't tell which one was his (he didn't use the see-through Pope-mobile tonight). That's ok, because last night Popó's friend threw a potato out his window and hit the Pope's car. [Edit: Popó was confused, he threw the potato at someone else's car yesterday. Oh well.]

The security surrounding the Pope is even more intense than it was for Bush when he visited. Major city streets have been closed without warning since yesterday, causing unbelievable traffic. Millions of people have come from all over the continent to see him. Of course, the first thing the asshole said when he got here yesterday was how evil abortion and euthanasia are. Then he suggested that any politicians that support abortion here should be excommunicated. Just when I think I don't care any more, he always manages to say something new to piss me off!

I'm usually only motivated to update this blog when I'm blinded with rage! Writing a detailed account helps curb the violent fantasies.

On our trip to Parati, both my and Marcelo's cell phones broke, at the same time. (They touched a little bit of salt water but they hardly got wet enough to justify breaking.) My cell phone was only three months old, but I still had my old cell phone and tried to switch my line back to the old one. Freakish bad luck: my old cell phone broke the same day I tried to switch the line.

So I took advantage of the opportunity to switch to Marcelo's cell phone provider, which everyone seems to like better. I signed a one-year contract with a special monthly plan that came with a promotion of R$300 Nokia phone for just R$60. Beautiful. I was really happy with this new phone until I went to answer a call today and saw that the LCD was completely shattered from the inside!

Knowing that I bought the phone only 5 days ago and that the the provider has a one-week guarantee (plus Nokia's one-year guarantee), I went to replace my phone today. Only they said that it's not their fault that the phone broke, that I must have somehow misused it, and therefore it is not covered by the guarantee. Not only will they not replace it, but I'd have to pay R$300 to get it fixed. The whole situation is ridiculous for many reasons, but the main reason is that I am a new client who has had this phone for only 5 days, yet they refuse to cover me with their guarantee.

I hate confrontation, but something that really pisses me off is when companies think consumers have no rights, and just because they take your money and have a signed contract, they are not responsible in any way for what happens to you. (This is common in Brazil, sadly.) I got so angry at the provider today that I shouted at the manager in front of everyone in the store. Tomorrow I'm contacting the government organization dedicated to consumer rights to register a complaint and ask for their advice, and Friday I'm going back to the provider. I'm going to ask the manager for his full name, tell him that I'm a registered journalist (he doesn't need to know that I'm a rarely active one!), and let him know that I'm prepared to write to my contacts at the 2 major newspapers in São Paulo with full details of how I've been abused as a client.

Bottom line: I know I'm probably going to get fucked over and have to pay this R$300, but I at least want to punish my provider as much as possible.

A few pictures from our 4-day weekend in Parati...

It's funny (for me) seeing my name in the list of "thanks" for Queer Zagreb amongst a mob of Croatian names. It's because I introduced Zvonimir, the director, to André last year while he was visiting for Mix Brasil, thus beginning a passionate love affair that has resulted in André moving to Zagreb and working with the festival, as well as Marcelo doing a large part of the graphic campaign from our apartment.

But anyway, I am now the Programming Coordinator for Festival Mix Brasil! I start Wednesday. The next festival is in November, but the festival director says that I will already inherit a bunch of overdue deadlines with very many angry people. Welcome back to the highly stressful, understaffed, and extremely underpaid world of fringe film festivals!

All Marcelo and I did the entire weekend was stay at home, cook, and eat a lot. It was pretty awesome. For the record, I now make perfect rice and beans every day (in addition to salad and some protein). Marcelo has learned some delicious dishes as well as some decadent deserts (he eats more for sweetness than nutritional value). This is coming from a once confirmed, completely undomesticated nomad (myself) and a guy who a few months ago found heating up tomato sauce overwhelming (Marcelo). Married life makes you do some surprising things!

Yesterday while at a restaurant with Marcelo's family, I ate a small pão de queijo (a "cheese bread") because it took forever for us to get our food. I'm pretty lactose intolerant, but I thought one little piece of cheese wouldn't kill me. WRONG! I started getting really tired afterwards, then I got a bad headache, and then I started feeling nauseous. I tried to vomit but couldn't, and I suddenly got a fever that went up to 39.5C (103F)! I was feeling pretty horrible and Marcelo was getting desperate, so Ma called his dad and gave me a bunch of emergency medications to control the fever and diarrhea. Marcelo made me take a cold shower to try to make the fever go down. At one point I passed out on the bathroom floor!

My fever has finally gone down but to be honest, my stomach and intestines will stay fucked up for a long time. Death to dairy.

the street from our 8th-story apartment

I arrived in São Paulo with my journalist visa, ready to stay for good, in the land of Pelé, Xuxa, and caipirinhas. Viva mulatas and futebol.

At the Polícia Federal and afterwards, I kept telling myself: "I love Brazil I love Brazil I love Brazil I love Brazil I love Brazil I love Brazil..." I had to make a serious effort to remind myself of why it's worth the trouble.

Today I went to Benedito Calixto with Popó, who has been living with us for a month or so, and will probably continue living with us for awhile. Popó has to be the sweetest graffiti artist in the world. He is seriously gente boa. We ate a vegetarian restaurant, walked over to see the new exhibition at Choque Cultural, and then I walked 1.5 hours to Praça Roosevelt to meet my friend Erick at a samba party. Drinking tons of beer and samba-ing on the street on a pleasantly warm night, that's when I feel better about going to so much trouble to live here.

One thing's for sure: I'll go crazy if I continue giving English classes much longer. I may have a new job lined up, but I don't want to say anything until I know for sure.

Just when I think I've seen it all, Brazilian bureaucracy always finds a way to fuck with me in the most perverted way possible. It's amazing, actually. I'm impressed. No matter how patient or forgiving one tries to be, the "burrocracia" (a play on words in Portuguese with stupid and bureaucracy) WILL break you. It's a universal force, like gravity.

So I spent the day at the Polícia Federal trying to renew my visa. I'd gone through a lot of headaches getting all the necessary documents (and thanks to Eugene for his help) but everything was in order. I've learned by now, though, that these things are never as simple as they seem, so I went to the PF prepared for a fight. Marcelo and I calmly presented everything to the attendant, worked out the last-minute details, filled out the forms, and waited hours for a response. (In the meantime I completed a few other bureaucratic processes.)

Finally an asshole called my name and told me to sign a piece of paper. I looked at it and it said I was being fined for breaking the law by extending my visa within 30 days of its expiration. I asked him, WTF? I was specifically told in January BY THE POLÍCIA FEDERAL that I could ONLY renew my visa within 30 days of expiration! [Pure rage.] I waited until now EXACTLY because that's what they told me to do! I had tried to extend it before, but they told me to come back in this period! And now they want to fine me R$300 (almost a month's rent) for following their instructions!

I won't even go into how much a condescending asshole the guy was as I tried to wrap his head around how absurd this all is. He told me it's my "responsibility" to be informed of the law, despite the fact that I had tried to do exactly that by ASKING THE POLÍCIA FEDERAL.

[Rage. Hatred. Marcelo was so fed up that at one point he actually burst out into tears.]

Then he went on to tell me that I will only know in 4 months if my visa will be renewed (even though it expires this week). Also, the Brazilian photo ID I got today after a year of waiting will, actually, EXPIRE THIS WEEK AND I'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE ENTIRE PROCESS AGAIN TO GET A VALID ID. And since I told him that there is no way in hell I'm paying a R$300 fine for the PF's fault, I had to go to another department to contest the charge, write up a written protest, and spend hours making copies of every page in my passport for proof. (I have to come back to the PF in a month to see the answer.)

Also, I just found out that by law it must state on my visa that I have to renew it before 30 days of its expiration. There is no such statement on my visa. Another reason why the PF needs to go to hell.

If there's anyone I ever wanted to punch in the face, it was this babaca who told me this with his shit-eating grin.

Anyway, Marcelo and I don't give up easily, and we're starting to prepare a case for us to be recognized as a "stable union" (ie common-law marriage) to get permanent residency for me.

You can feel the depression in the air today, since tomorrow is the first real work day of the Brazilian calendar year. Sure, we work a bit in January and February, but nothing gets serious until after carnaval. I thought Marcelo was exaggerating when he told me this last year, but it's completely true.

It does grate on our nerves a bit that people think that Brazil is only about carnaval, that it's just one big party all year long. Tons of Brazilians I know don't like carnaval at all. The cliché gets old. That being said, I totally loved it. I love how competitive the samba marches are (and how harshly they're judged by the jury), and I love how subversive and innocently euphoric the parties are.

On Tuesday of Carnaval, Marcelo and I drove from his grandparents' town, Cachoeira Paulista, to the amazing colonial coastal town of Parati. Our nerves were already on edge by the really shitty state of the highway (that nobody ever uses) that we took from Cachoeira - tons of potholes, no shoulders, insanely dangerous curves, etc. We kept rising, rising, rising until we were very high up in the mountains, and then we saw a sign: "END OF PAVEMENT 100M" (at the Rio de Janeiro state line - another argument for our side of the SP/RJ rivalry) I asked Marcelo why there was a sign saying that, because it didn't even cross my mind that the pavement could finish at the top of a very high mountain in the middle of the jungle. Then a minute later, I saw to my horror that the highway was now a very steep mud/rock forbidden trail that went down for miles along eroding cliffs. I wasn't driving but it was seriously too much for me, I had a panic attack from sheer desperation. We were in a small shitty car, and if it started to rain, our chances of getting out of there were really slim. If there was ever a time to be religious, it was as huge rocks scraped under the car or as we slid down mud puddles. Never again!

I made a few amateur videos last night (for the first time ever), because my camera is really frustrating and can't capture motion in a picture. I'm uploading them slowly.

We rushed back to São Paulo last night (after spending a few days at one of our favorite beaches, Guaecá) for the desfile das campeãs, which is the final march of the winners of the competition of SP samba schools (groups). We stayed until 5:30am and we still missed the last school. More on carnaval later...

An "only in Brazil" pearl I just lived, 10 minutes ago, at 8:00pm on a busy street - I had just gotten off the bus and was minding my own business, when a car honked and pulled over to ask me a question:

Man: Can you tell me where Rua Augusta is?
Me: We're on Augusta.
Man: Hmmm... I don't know if you can help me, but... do you know where the call boys are?
Me: You'd have to go to Trianon.
Man: Where's that?
Me: It's by the MASP, down Paulista. You know, the park.
Man: Is it close?
Me: Yeah, you have to go back up and turn on Paulista.
Man: It's on the other side of Paulista?
Me: Yeah.
Man: OK, thanks.
Me: Good luck, bye.

The man was extremely attractive, and he was very reluctant to say goodbye. Clearly he was from the countryside and drove into the city for a little sexual tourism.

Just now I was the only person on the bus. There was absolutely no traffic. At one point I heard complete silence. I can't tell you how creepy that is for São Paulo, that sort of thing never happens! Everyone has already left for Carnaval, which starts tomorrow. Marcelo and I are only travelling on Sunday - we'll go to his grandparents' boring town, then maybe a day trip to Parati (an amazing colonial town on the coast), and then 3-4 days at the beach. We had planned to go to Recife, a city in the Northeast that is supposed to have an incredible Carnaval, but we spent all our money and moving and had to go with this much cheaper option. It's a little disappointing, I wanted my first Carnaval in Brazil to be big, but I'm sure we'll still have a great time.

There have already been several pre-Carnaval parties in recent weeks. We went to a gay bloco on Monday night. It was perfect, I have to say, Brazilians deserve their fame when it comes to Carnaval. They really get it right: samba + heavy percussion + outrageous costumes + beer + hot weather + kissing = a lot of fun. I love marching/samba-ing around the city, it's so festive. Tonight we're going to a Bahian women's bloco. It should be great.

Housewarming party (from January)

Pictures up from Maresias (our first weekend back in Brazil) and Marcelo's birthday. I have hundreds more taken since then to sort through...

Yesterday Marcelo woke up, the weather was beautiful, and he asked if I wanted to go to the beach. We called our friend Erick and hit the road. We spent about 7 hours on the closest beach to the city (about an hour away) and it was a perfect summer day. Actually, overall, summer here has been pretty great. It's a season that reminds me that living in Brazil is worth it. Our excursion was so perfect that we decided we'd try to go to a different beach every sunny weekend in the next 2 months...

Unfortunately I woke up today with a sinus infection from the sea water I accidentally breathed in yesterday, so my faculties are kind of dimmed. Sucks.

Something I need to share that has been on my mind for awhile: BATTLESTAR GALACTICA is television's best kept secret. It is thought-provoking, complex, and extremely well made. It took several people telling me that BSG is a million times better than crap like (2nd and 3rd season) LOST, and then several critics that I respect saying it's on the same level as DEADWOOD and THE WIRE, and I finally realized what I'd been missing.

Marcelo and I watched the miniseries and have gone through a marathon of the 13-episode first season; I'm currently downloading the 20-episode second season. It's been incredibly rewarding so far. It's hard to do justice to the story... it's very focused and tightly-told, yet it covers so much territory. The series is basically about the war between humans and a race of robots they created, the Cylons. At the beginning of the series the Cylons, who had been in hiding for 40 years, mount a surprise attack against the humans and exterminate all but 50,000 who manage to escape. Fleeing for their lives, the humans quickly decide to leave their planets behind, while their survival is threatened at every turn. Despite the otherworldly concept, BSG's storylines feel so immediate, and their result is impressively bleak and ambiguous.

I'm trying to avoid reading too much about BSG for fear of being spoiled, but I thought this one pull-quote I came across on Salon summed the series up perfectly: Oh, how beautifully "Battlestar Galactica" wallows in the hopelessness of the human plight!

- 2.5 million people take the subway per day
- 40,000 pizzas are made per hour
- 16,000 pieces of sushi are made per hour
- 15,000 buses operate throughout the city
- 10 credit/debit card purchases are made per second
- São Paulo is richer than New Zealand, Ireland, Chile, Venezuela, and Peru
- Since 1997, São Paulo has been considered the "World Gastronomic Capital"
- The Serra da Cantareira, in the northern region of the city, is considered the largest natural urban forest in the world
- São Paulo is the third largest Italian city in the world
- São Paulo is the largest Japanese city outside of Japan
- São Paulo is the largest Portuguese city outside of Portugal
- São Paulo is the largest Spanish city outside of Spain
- São Paulo is the third largest Lebanese city outside of Lebanon
- The city of London has a little more than 11,000 bars and restaurants, São Paulo has more than 38,000

Among many other facts that I didn't find interesting enough to translate. Not sure where they got all this information from, but I'll take their word for it. I read in a magazine last week that the city's 3,800 bakeries produce around 15 million rolls of bread per day!

Uruguay/Argentina pictures, finally...

OK, really, I intend on returning to the internet living whenever I get a connection in my apartment. (I spent all day Wednesday waiting for the technician who never showed up. Now they say they have until the 23rd to install...) Things like spending the whole day in the Polícia Federal yesterday also make it difficult to check my email. In the meantime, even though you don't speak Portuguese, watch this entire clip. It is utterly terrifying, and pretty funny. Then I just passed out laughing in the cybercafe watching the remix below.